Ugh.

K I really hate how terrible I am at blogging. Seriously?? 3 1/2 months already?? It's almost freakin' Christmas. So Gabe and I got married October 15, 2011. Amazing day. FREAKING ridiculously hot, but awesome, day. I married my best friend :) We were surrounded by friends and family. It was just an incredible experience. Then about 4 days later we packed up our u-haul and cat, yes cat, and started our looong drive across the country. HAPPY HONEYMOONING! Interesting but fun experience. We made it safe and sound, obviously. I'm still going through the unpacking process. I have a feeling it won't get finished by the time we get out of these apartments so why stress?? Gabe is busy working for his dad and I am currently on the job hunt. It's funny when we get asked that good ol' "How's the married life" question. We already feel like we've been married for years.You can't really explain it. O and it's a good thing. I didn't mean it in a bad way. Yes marriage is hard but being married to your best friend makes it a HECK of a lot easier! I wouldn't have it any other way :)

Time...

O my goodness I am a HORRIBLE blogger...Life has just been so busy! Can you believe I'm getting married in 7 weeks? I CAN'T! It kinda freaks me out. I'm really emotional about it. I hate thinking about having to leave my family behind. I hate thinking my newest nephew won't really know me like my other nephews do. It's just so hard. Gabe doesn't really understand. He thinks things will be better once we're together. Yeah things will be a little nicer. I won't feel so alone...but I'm still going to have all that on my mind. It's just going to get harder and harder the closer we get. Other than that everything is coming together. I'm still waiting on my dress. It's supposed to be here the 29th but it could come earlier. The suspense is killin me! The caterer is lined up, photographer, decorator, dj, all those people are good to go! Next month we'll have our final meetings with them to make sure everything is definitely all in order. Very exciting yet nerve wracking. Sorry but I'm ready for this to be over. So exhausting! Not that Gabe isn't worth it...I'm just sayin...A girl can only handle so much! And then a cross country move after all this! O boy. I need a spa day! A nice massage...pedicure...manicure...facial. O yeah! They're calling my name! Maybe one day. We'll see. Anyways, it's always so late when I finally update my blog. I better get to bed. Too many late nights lately! I gotta stop that...

I promise I'll try to be better about blogging!

Goodnight!

Just real quick...

Just a quick update before I head off to bed....I GOT MY WEDDING DRESS YESTERDAY! I'm so excited. I love it. It's very elegant and classy and 40's-esque. I also ordered a white birdcage veil :) SO very excited. I just need to find what shoes I'm going to wear. You wouldn't think that'd be a tough part but it kinda is for some reason...well I'm exhausted. I've been making my candle centerpieces all day. 17 down 14 to go! They look beautiful! I need to post a pic of them...I just don't have them on my computer yet. Anyways...

Goodnight!

Survived...

Well I survived my first full day with out Gabe yesterday. It was pretty difficult but I made it. My first temple prep class was yesterday and that helped lift my spirits. I loved being there. I can't wait for next week. I just wish Gabe was there to go with me. In other news....Osama Bin Laden was killed yesterday. Insane? I think so....Nervous to see it be used for a political tactic...I hope not. But I just have that gut feeling. Anyways. It's way too early to be awake. I'm going to try and sleep a little longer. I love Gabe.

Bye!

Leaving on a jet plane...

Gabe's going back home tomorrow. My heart is broken. I don't know when I'm going to see him again. I pray I'll get to see him before we get married. How am I supposed to plan a wedding without him here. How are we supposed to take engagement pictures. I'm so frustrated and confused. Tomorrow is going to be a very very VERY emotional day. It came to fast. I feel like my time with him is up. I feel lost and sad and frustrated and o so very stressed with little support or direction. Lord help me.

I can't win.

I just can't seem to get ahead. I can't win. I'm just so confused with life. I hate how I feel. I hate trying to express feelings to people and it just backfires and turns into this huge fight. It's so freakin stupid and I HATE it. I'm so sick of it. I'm so tired of clique-ish family members. Families shouldn't be that way. I'm so sick of being compared to other people. Or feeling like I'm not as good as other people in my family. But maybe I'm the one with the issues? Maybe I'm the one who really needs therapy. It's probably my own fault that I don't have any friends. If you were to ask the cousin I'm arguing with right now, she'd definitely tell you it's my fault I don't have any friends since all I do is "give guilt trips." I just give up. I hate trying to please everyone. I just need to get away. I never had this problem in Indiana. I felt so accepted and loved. I was never compared to someone else or made to feel like crap. I never felt like I should be someone better. I was loved for who I am. On my side of the family, some people only talk to me to let me know I should try out for the Biggest Loser...thanks for letting me know you're thinking of me when you're watching obese people on national television. You'll never know how many nights I've cried over it. But o that's giving a guilt trip isn't it?? Guess I better just shut my mouth and keep pressin forward....

Wish I could swear like a sailor right now...

Wedding planning

Well the wedding planning is still pretty stressful. We decided our date is January 21, 2012. My colors are black, pearly white, baby blue, and damask. I know damask isn't a color but I want it to be everywhere with my colors so YEAH! It really feels like I'm not making any progress on anything. It sucks feeling that way. People tell me it's fine I have plenty of time but listen people...9 months goes by fast....and I'm NOT about to procrastinate to the last second. I can't do that to myself...But anyways. Can you believe it was a year ago this month I started getting ready to go to Indiana? I can't believe it's been a year. It's actually pretty sad to think about. I loved being there. Gabe and I both feel so homesick for it. I loved being around the family all the time. Being around the sweet little babies. I miss it a ton. I miss the beautiful green grass and trees. There was green everywhere. You were constantly surrounded. I need that. I need to see life everywhere. I need to breathe fresh clean farm air. I miss it so much it makes me want to cry thinking about it. The air never looked gray or polluted. I really want to live there but thinking about being so far from MY family makes me want to cry even more...It's probably going to be one of the hardest decisions of my life when Gabe and I get to that point in life. I kinda dread it. Especially since I've gotten so close with my dad lately. I don't know how well I'd be able to handle not seeing him for really long periods of time. I know there's the simple phone call but he's such a busy guy it's almost impossible for him to just sit down and have a casual conversation. O well. I can't dwell on it right now or else I'll just be depressed the rest of the day. Today is a beautiful day and I hope Gabe and I will get out and do something fun. Maybe we'll take Shelby out somewhere so she can run around and play. I don't know if anything is going to happen today though if I can't peel Gabe away from the guitar......I'm just grateful it's not the xbox this time!

Busy, busy, BUSY!

My goodness things have been so busy. Gabe got a second job which means I pretty much got a second job. He works at Sbarros inside of Bally's on the strip. He's going to work there until a new location is opening in the Showcase Mall. Saturday he worked from 9-3 at the Half Shell then I had to take him straight to Sbarros so he could work from 4-8. Wednesday through Sunday is just gunna be NUTS! Especially Saturday...I take Gabe to work at the Half Shell at 9 am, pick him up at 3, then take him straight to Sbarros so he can work from 4-MIDNIGHT. Yes, I said MIDNIGHT! Poor poor guy...he's gunna be so stinkin tired. Not to sound mean but I hope he gets a car this week. I don't mind taking him to work, I just can't have the both of us gettin all run down. Gabe can't get sick. He falls apart when he gets sick. Most men do it seems. Wow well I better finish this up. The dog just farted and I have no where else to go. Smells like bean dip....Good heavens. I'll write more later!

Stresssss....

So I'm a little stressed. I'm trying hard not to be but I can't help it. I have no idea how to plan a wedding and I have no idea where to start. I have no idea what colors I want, or what kind of bouquet I want. None of that stuff. I'm not sure how I want my reception to look. Aah. Gabe has different traditions from the midwest so I'm not sure how all this will pan out...blah. I need a xanax.

                              But here's a pic of my ring!

Well holy!

Christmas happened! New years happened! January 6th, 2011, I got engaged! I'm horrible at this blog...Frankly I don't even know why I have one anymore...but no biggie! Things are still crazy with my health. Finally got into and endocrinologist. I'm going in on Friday for an unltrasound on my thyroid. Just to see if it really is enlarged or if there's a lump or anything unusual. So we'll see what happens and I'll try my very hardest to stay updated!

Night!